Keep The Curves. But have Some Heart Too – My Open Letter to The Evergreen “Porn-Princess” (Read Shobhaa De)

Dear Ms. De,

First and foremost, let me confess myself – I am a great admirer of that speak-my-mind attitude of yours and your forthrightness is a trait I can totally relate to as a blunt and blatant freelance blogger. Ever since the model in you has taken a back seat and the “social commentator” has grabbed a pen and a paper, your nonchalant sarcasm and brash scurrility has amazed me big time. Your subtle and maverick ways to address sensuality in your leading characters is a breakthrough for many women like me who have been born and bred in a country that still believes in brushing the tabooed subject of that three letter word under the carpet. SEX is the most overrated term to have seduced us as the timid and gawky teenagers of the nineties. And your erotic literature used to be the only gateway to our reconciliation with those raging hormones and frequent adrenaline rushes. You have been picking up celebrities for years now for personal attacks and no wonder you are the ultimate queen of saucy wrangles and the raunchiest of grapevines. You have been doing it marvelously in a row and you didn’t even spare the King Khan from your razor-sharp criticism. Trust me I loved it last year when you liberated the entire womankind from a mindless, sloppy and hypocritical depiction of femininity in none other than your favorite Deepika P’s “My Choice” video. You just nailed it earlier in 2010 when you pointed fingers at Maxim’s celebration of her “sexiest woman on earth” crown (which was some sort of joke to me as well). You almost washed up your robust rhetoric to count her out as ineligible to use a D cup size bra. You were downright brutal yet precise when you unmasked that “average” and “Brigade road look” of hers that only has the potential for “Miss Dombivali contest”, according to you. Isn’t? And gosh! Such horrible diction! You were just right on the money! I can’t tell you how empowered you made me and so many other souls like mine feel by breaking the shackles and restoring back the lost faith – that we all are more than our exposed bra straps and hair sprays in a world full of hostility and degradation. 

But this time madam, something I just couldn’t digest and it seems you’re trying very hard to prove that label of having been in “no action” wrong. Goes without saying it was levied by some small time Bolly bee and a well-established author of your stature shouldn’t be ruffling her pretty feathers due to this. So if I am not wrong, it is the Duchess Of Cambridge few days back, who has fallen prey to your fierce prowess of free speech and unabashed cynicism. As we all know Kate Middleton was recently making headlines for being on a royal tour to India and Bhutan with Prince William, you probably decided to make hay while the sun was shining. You seem to have taken a usual potshot (which you are of course great at) at the Duchess’s sense of style and have subsequently hit the news.  

Oh well, we know it calls for a platter spilling over with much drama, sizzle and entertainment to stay relevant, but lambasting the royal Duchess for not having enough curves? Are you kidding me?

So basically, the self-proclaimed “opinion shaper” who was the most perked up to know about the designer outfits the Duchess would be donning throughout this trip slips into the shoes of some sixty-eight-year-old fallacious fashion guru and goes on to rant about a series of ostensible fashion disasters before a bunch of fashion blind spectators, including Kate’s designer. *Phew*

You don’t even pull out those excruciating digs there! Instead, you plunge into the cruelest form of body shaming, mocking her shape and size. To quote your prestigious remarks - "A Saree needs curves: Kate has none."  Well, taken that this royalty doesn’t fit into the clearly etched out parameters of the quintessential well-endowed Indian woman. But does that entitle you with the rights to ridicule someone for being herself? With due respect to this casting stereotypes stance of yours, I would like to bring the crux of the matter to your notice -  

Firstly, be it Duchess Kate or late Lady Diana, the Princess of Wales – their waistlines are perfect for a Victorian ball gown. Their inherent svelteness and petite frame makes them anyway desirable in a Western attire, which primarily adds to the élan that these royal ladies are known to embody. Given that fact, we stand on another edge where it is easier with our kind of bodily characteristics to pull off a saree. May be she is happy confining herself within her comfort zone and therefore ditched trying out something she finds challenging? A “derriere” (as you chose to term it) and a pair of full bosoms definitely speaks volumes through a tightly clad silk cloth around our not so tiny waist. The oodles of hotness go hand in hand with those god-gifted curves and hey! I also agree that makes it at times a bit electrifying to handle. But can you deny that all of us fight an unsung battle every now and then within the four walls to shed off those extra inches? Likewise, the West might very well find it a plus (what makes it a minus for us Indians) and having lived in the United States for a couple of years now I know – they simply love curvaceous women! Take it from me. And you know what, that’s human nature. Grass always looks greener on the other side. You always long for what is difficult to achieve and thus we tend to overlook our inborn features that makes us stand out from the crowd. 

Secondly, have you ever wondered why Malala Yousufzai always keeps her head covered yet speaks a language that is globally accepted? It is because she holds the belief to connect in English globally, yet she chooses not to step out of the religious norms that have been inculcated within her. Would you also address her as someone who doesn’t have the right kind of hair to flaunt? So she better keeps those not-so-gorgeous tresses away from the public view? Madam, the Duchess was in India to interact with the mass. And in doing so, she was also representing her own country and the royal family. She wasn’t there to declare and herald Indian national in front of Modi ji. So, isn’t expecting her to drop a hint of “saffron” in place of that “wishy washy aqua dress” a tad too nonsensical on your part?   

  

Thirdly, I thought you have something new and substantial to deliver this time, more importantly, something to break away from the monotonous hullabaloo over Kate’s skirt flapping in the air. Like those cameras literally kill you with controversy followed by so many Marilyn Monroe moments, you can definitely score ten on ten in fabricating merciless lampoons that might just leave back a very bitter taste in the mouth and some deep hurts on one’s cultural sentiments. 

Fourthly, you call yourself a socialite, hence you owe some minimal responsibility towards the society you live in. I’m talking about the same society that has made you who you are today – from yesteryear’s humble Saraswat Brahmin roots to today’s spotlight, remember the not so smooth journey? Well, I think you should sincerely try to keep yourself more grounded. Your high-flying luck is just a blessing in disguise of your merit, so stop wasting it to pull down others unnecessarily.  

Fifthly and lastly, being in the writing world myself, I come across cases of body shaming every day. Do you have any idea how many lives are lost in oblivion that are forced to succumb to body shaming every year? The number is 400,000 led by obesity and 150,000 women die each year from Anorexia Nervosa that occurs from extreme dietary strictness, consistent depression and the inability to live up to a distorted body image in the mind. You are a renowned writer and considered among the elite and influential community of the nation. Your profession specifically gives you the privilege to put out your views on anything and everything; and it also gives ample scope to push the envelope and incorporate elements of satire. But not to an extent that aggravates the omnipresent grave issues destroying the mental health of our society. With your kind of negative inputs, the scenario looks like going from the frying pan to the fire and thereafter nowhere!


Having said it all, you are essentially a woman. A mother. So I hope you reflect at least a teeny-weeny compassion towards your very own race – the women. Women, who go through many phases like a transient flower. She comes from a full circle of blooming glory to her fading youth. This is a natural process, an undeniable one. But does that make us more or less beautiful from one another? When your daughter is young, isn’t fully developed in her physicality, will you still slam her desire to drape a saree saying she just doesn’t deserve one?  Because she has zero curves? When an elderly member in your family buys a saree for herself looking forward to a special occasion will you tell her she’s just a bag of bones and saree won’t give full coverage to her visible frailty? Yes, we dress up to look sexy. But moreover, we want to feel good about ourselves. And if you can’t awaken this consciousness of self-love and mutual respect within those who take you to be an inspiration, at least do not set wrong examples for our girls.

I do not know if my message will ever reach you, but I do hope it brings some ray of positivity for those who have been subjected to body shaming at some point in time in their lives. And for you miss, I just have one wish to make. May you rise above those plunging necklines and navel displaying uber-low-waist sarees. Keep the curves. But have some heart too. 

Yours truly,

A thirty something concerned member of your very own species. *wink wink*

Like A Chimera She Glides On Thy Senses Part 2

Her road is chaotic and it hardly ever goes as planned –

She has something to tell, something she has accrued from an ancient land.

She is one thousand stories old, her wildness and stout heart knows no regrets,

She is yet to learn how her skin and bones coalesce into an ocean of secrets.

She has walked through detours and storms, the quiet depths of an arcane mourning,

She is like a chimera, that feels and breathes through a derange yearning.

There is more to come and her path has never been smooth or easy,

She laments over a bygone era and sways like a gentle daisy.

She is a lover of fire and it sets her own world ablaze,

The rising sun and the shooting stars are trounced in a growing haze. 

Like a chimera she glides on thy senses and ignites a smoldering passion,

Her truth may destroy thee too, so tread with utmost precision.

Her elevated ecstasy is what her heart fails to hold,

The hand she wanted to clasp tight was left stony and cold.

The soul she craved to touch and dance with was slayed in a valiant fight,

Something beautiful was lost and unearthed in the dead of a coal black night.

Her skeleton is embellished with sagas within sagas untold,

Those celestial eyes full of reveries wander in a field of gold. 

Like a chimera she glides on thy senses with a love so true,

She is the enchantress that can swamp you into the profound blue.