Moon That Will Never Wane

Have been seeing a bunch of extremely distasteful remarks doing rounds. My social media pages are flooded with status updates about a legendary actor’s untimely passing. What perturbs the most is, how they allude to the dire need of soul-searching. The recent hullabaloo revolves around veteran actor of Indian cinema Sridevi’s funeral receiving the state honor. First, it was a baseless and shameful slander so as to condemn certain imposed beauty standards in the course of mocking how she looked younger than her age and also a relentless speculation of her personal details, catering to the daily appetite of awfully pessimistic gossipmongers. From the overtly curious media, to some so called popular news channels also insignificant bloggers, reporters – everyone has been going verbose for last couple of days. This is perhaps what showbiz does, finally throttling you under the burden of being a superstar. 

Now that Sridevi has been laid to rest forever, the question is why and how she deserves the state honor. It is a sad day rather marks a dark age for our dear netizens and citizens that they cannot even spare the deceased! Moronic comparisons are being drawn with those brave martyrs who fight for our country. I wonder why we cannot refrain from passing judgments for a moment and allow her some dignity! 

The government is no messiah that has resolved all the disputes at the border and saved millions of innocent lives from hunger, poverty and illiteracy. Then why is everyone busy talking yet not being able to eradicate all these problems? Why is the choice of their timing so pathetic in the midst of bidding farewell to someone who has proved her mettle as an artist and gifted the whole country and the world of cinema with such unforgettable marvels? The most corrupt and inefficient political figures receive the same honor but nobody raises their voice. The vast talent and unmatched grace that Sridevi is known for can’t be denied even in the face of the world’s most upsetting occurrences. In fact, they cannot be equated with each other at all. Because the nature of the issues are different from one another and we need to be wise and compassionate enough to act maturely in varying scenarios. If we can’t, we better not move our lips and utter sanctimonious claptraps! 

The demise of someone who has contributed in the forum of art and entertainment of our nation so enormously must not be disregarded or undervalued in order to elevate the loss of another soul who also adds immense meaning to our lives. A loss is a loss and every soul we lose is remembered and glorified in consideration to what they have given us to cherish for a lifetime and not what was beyond their capacity. We cannot expect a Sridevi to wage a war or save the Syrian kids. But if, she has touched our lives through the noteworthy roles that she had been playing for three decades, she does deserve to be celebrated. Both in life and death. And with unmitigated love and respect. 

At times the shallowness of people devastates me more than the actual cause of the grief. They can rip you off from the time you are just out from your mother’s womb and that continues until you are gone to a better place. Society never ceases to have an opinion about your race, color, religion and sexuality. And they target you even before you develop consciousness of what these mean. Then comes your education, career choices, and financial status. Not forgetting what kind of ‘legacy’ you are capable of leaving behind for the next generation. Huhh! 

All the while, you pay the price of being either a celebrity or an ordinary man or woman who cannot escape the remorseless public glare and be subjected to taking endless flak. Which also means had Sridevi died otherwise – may be in a fateful car accident or even a bomb blast - and not by drowning into the hotel bathtub, she probably would have earned more sympathy in the hearts of some dimwits who think - dying in your own house must be a consequence of your very own carelessness. Hence you are not worthy of a gun salute irrespective of who you are and what are your credentials. The irony is, these half baked proclamations seem to have missed the whole point. Sridevi didn’t receive state honor because she had an accidental death. She received it because of her prestigious recognition with the Padma Shri award along with her eminence as the master of her craft. Anyone of a similar stature is entitled to be venerated. And to realize that, one needs to be passionate about life, live fully and take pride in one’s own skills. 

It is high time that we unlearn the inherent tendency to tear others down. It is the need of the hour that we learn to be happy and let others do what makes them happy. Once we stop wasting time in basically complaining about everything others do, we might probably learn to ponder over greater issues such as how many ministers and state leaders of ours deserve such huge honor. These are the same guys I am referring to, who die thousand deaths of indignity everyday exploiting someone, or manipulating something illegal and fraudulent. They are still not discriminated from the freedom fighters that we hold in highest regards for protecting our country until the last breath and leaving their mark in the pages of history as torchbearers of truth and courage. Have we forfeited our sensibilities permanently? How do we so conveniently stoop down to scorn a woman for looking after herself in life and keep on loving herself in death too? How can we belittle someone for being beautifully decked up in her final journey and call her self-obsessed? 

This is possibly the worst manifestation of patriarchal ethos coming into play at this juncture! How sickening can a mentality be that only perceives a tranquil Sridevi’s bridal makeup and red saree and overlooks the agony that the two young souls are going through at the loss of their friend, mentor, mother and everything! 

I am so much in shock and trauma of imagining this world without a charmer and strong woman like Sridevi ma’am going forward, that I am yet not ready for a tribute. I will never be. Because tributes are dedicated to those who are gone forever. She isn’t. She is timeless. 

Ma’am, thank you for being an integral part of my childhood and filling my days with fun and fond memories galore. You made me laugh, cry, sing, dance, all at the same time and I could probably never learn to emote in front of the camera until I started watching you shine brighter than ever before. You will be missed like that beam of the moon on a dark and desolate night. May you sleep in eternal peace and watch over those aspiring young hearts that have lost a piece in them with your departure. Love you. 

How contemporary Feminism has become a burden and must be once in a while laid down.

Off late, a paroxysm of insularity revolving around the subject of Feminism is seen doing rounds. Whenever someone shares an opinion and it doesn’t subscribe to the general frenzy that the rest of the society is unduly enthusiastic about, why do we try our best to tear that person apart along with that particular viewpoint? Those who are in the habit of supposedly defending feminism by dint of failing to comprehend a certain opinion need to get off their high horses and hang loose. Feminism is about diverse choices and cannot be measured by the yardstick of one definitive elucidation etched out in the mind.

 Why do we keep forgetting that Feminism is nobody’s patrimony, it is a temperament which is still in the realm of speculation? For decades, women have been fighting for the unalloyed credence to being allowed the same rights, power, opportunities and respect as men. Any society that treats its women without prejudice is on the path of progress. It is only then, the state can achieve its’ set of desired goals – politically, socially and economically. Should we all not be eternally grateful to those brave souls before us who fought for our rights instead of judging each others' perspectives?

 It is not about muscle power. It is about brain over brawn. It is not about staying cocooned inside your pseudo feminist boxes and putting other women or men down on the whole – and thus seek elevation in your own stature. It is rather, enabling each other to ascertain the true meaning of freedom and equality for all. It is the realization in itself that your environment entitles you to make your free choices by means of holding a fair and unbiased approach in every aspect of life – be it the religious beliefs you abide by, the health decisions that you choose to make or the salary that you earn. 

 

Ironically, like every now and then a notion is tweaked, rather misconstrued, Femi fascists too tend to hinge on whether or not women as a race can have power over men. What is forgotten time and again is, it is not a quest for demeaning each other, but empowering themselves, wanting their gender to be treated like proud human beings. Currently, there is no dearth of misandrists in the name of feminists in the making, who are more than glad to bear the label of women who perpetually hate men. Forsooth, patriarchy is exhausting, but is it worse than the impediments that we create among ourselves by ripping each other to shreds? Give it a thought. Feminism isn't just about sticking sanitary napkins with small notes attached to it all over the college campus and ranting awareness of rape and sexism. Feminist isn't about posting pictures of your blood soaked tampons on Instagram to obtain millions of followers. It is about breaking free from the shackles of age old regressive ideals that define femininity, marriage and motherhood. Slogans are spotted, placards are planted everywhere – meanwhile, the core values that we are striving for, are compromised, stumped over and buried somewhere deep down the streets.  Like those bulls in a fight that are color blind, we also engage our girls in a helter-skelter battle. But wait battle of what? Have we wondered what are we fighting for? 

The very choice that we all get to make today, is an outcome of the sweat and blood that has been invested for years. We must not overlook the trauma, the hurdles and the hardship that our torchbearers have been through to get us here today. We are gifted with the freedom to choose our identities wisely and let our voice be heard through actions that reflect dignity and maturity. We stand different in our agenda - in the very essence that we wish to accept the equality of both sexes in lieu of mindless misanthropy. 

 Whether to juggle between our career and household, whether to stay home bound – it's a very personal choice that one gets to make when one knows how to set the priorities right. You might be an entrepreneur or a freelance or even single not pursuing anything – at the end of the day, we all are women and mothers. The method one chooses to follow might not align with someone else's, but that doesn't mean they aren't doing their jobs as a wife or a mother. On the contrary, the nature of challenges women who are responsible for two third of the work done worldwide, come across are varying. After all the toil they might still earn only ten percent of the total income and own one percent of the property! So, where is equality? Across all cultures and nations, first to third world, women are still lagging behind men in opportunities and access to resources, even while judged within the values of their home culture. Where is equitable judgment then? 

The fact is, half the time we aren't aware of what struggles someone is going through. The maternal instincts may not let you leave your child behind at the daycare even for an hour, but when you fall in the category of that ratio of women with children, who are also the primary bread earners in the family, you expect your tribe to be slightly more empathetic and refrain from using words like irresponsible and negligent. Furthermore, those who deliberately and willfully settle for a homemaker’s lifestyle that works for them, must not be shamed as less qualified or disregarded as professionally incompetent. Fortunate are the ones who get to opt between the two worlds because they at least have the liberty to prefer and prioritize one over the other. 

Having friends, associates and relatives from all sectors and backgrounds, your knowledge and experience are instrumental in broadening your outlook and learning not to narrow down your visions. The manifestations of Feminism and Empowerment are more often than not complex, volatile sometimes burdensome – always comes with a heavy price. And yes, just like a Princess Diana, a Michelle Obama, and a Hillary Clinton, we do not believe in playing the woman card and get to the front leader’s seat. We haven't learned to play the victim card either, when names such as Oprah Winfrey are there to inspire us. Each one of these amazing ladies has been a mother, has endured grave losses, yet remained their own boss and shone through the darkest of clouds. The way they have balanced between children, work and personal life is fascinating. I am glad I live in a country whose seventy five percent of the population share the sensibility that a stay at home mother can provide the best for their children when they are young, at the same time, doesn’t cringe away from offering its women equal opportunities that ultimately makes significant contributions to the nation’s economy. It's all about respecting every individual’s choice - acknowledging their dreams and potentials - and being more compassionate towards helping them materialize into reality.

A Letter To My Valentine For Life

 Dearest UV,

I have probably not told you this before - that as a gawky teenager, it took me a while to fathom what Valentine’s Day was all about. I always saw girls in my school sharing love letters with their favorite senior guys throughout the year and an extra rose on “Propose Day” which made very little sense to me. Finally when it used to be 14^th of Feb, everyone would be bunking classes in order to spend time with the most sought after girl or boy initially at the canteen and for a romantic escapade thereafter. 

As I grew up, I realized I have been saving up piles of letters, gifts and bunches of love cards over the years that couldn’t find and reach the right person, as I simply failed to spot the face and the heart I was looking for amidst the crowd. Today, I regret not preserving those silly little hand written notes and hand drawn hearts well enough, so that I could hand them over to you. I truly miss doing that.

Till date, I do not understand the concept of picking out one single day in a year in order to express love and not making the best of the rest 364 days. This definitely goes for only those who live by such theories and I do not intend to offend anyone who choose to observe and glorify love that way. It’s just that I do not wish to be counted among those who are missing out on a single day, minute or second to let the love of their life know – what he or she means to them. If I could, I would have added one more day to the calendar and made up for all those times I couldn’t be with you. If I could, I would have also asked the Almighty to grant me one additional day for each year that I am yet to live on earth, so that I can compensate for all those things I couldn’t do for and all those gestures I couldn't show to my loved ones. If you find me more sensitive, more thoughtful, more family oriented and more giving today, you are the reason love! If I have learned to think and perceive the good things in life this way, I owe it all to you! This is what you have done to me and I am ever so grateful to you for coming into my life as a blessing from above.

 Even though I’m unsure of a lot of things in life I am certain that I love you and will continue to love you forever. With each passing year, my respect for the person that you are is deepening more and more, and I believe, you are a gift of a lifetime in the entire family that is blown away by your charismatic personality, golden heart, extremely caring and dutiful nature. The way you have been looking after each and every elderly member in our lives reflects the core values that you swear by. Your popularity within the young lot goes beyond any illustration and I cherish the fact that you have turned out to be more of a son, a real brother and a true friend for those who matter the most to me. 

Dear, to put in words the love that I feel for you and how much I crave your presence when you are not around is quite a challenge. This day is certainly not enough to tell you how rare and special you are. Loving you, knowing you and growing up with you have been a journey of transformation for me. You changed me for the better and molded me into the strong, confident, calmer and contented person that I am today. You always bring out the best in me and I am immensely moved by your selflessness – the way you think of others before yourself who truly mean to you. You are the reason I wake every morning with a smile on my face. You spread joy and positivity into my mundane life. The very fact that I have YOU to fall back on, cuddle with at the end of the day, rest my head on to your shoulder and get pampered like a toddler who is missing her home and family – makes this life worth living and celebrating every day. I love you and always will as my significant other, my best friend, my guardian, my guide and my partner in all sorts of crimes that the world better not come to know of. Lol! Happy Valentine’s Day baby! Keep shining bright and continue to love me the way you do. I promise to bug you, love you, kiss you, hug you and drive you nuts for the next hundreds of births.  

Lovingly yours,

Ushasi.

An Open Letter To My Loving Parents On Their Thirty Fourth Anniversary

Dear Mum and Dad,

30^th November 1982. Do you know how these numbers have created history in itself? A day that decided my fate? It’s a day when the two most significant lives that make my world go round united in marriage.  It’s been 34 years since then and here I am cherishing every single day of my life by the grace of the Divine. Today marks the 34^th wedding anniversary of you two – the two most wonderful souls that have touched my life. Though unlike the last time, I won’t get to raise a toast with you this year in person, I thought of putting down a few words that I have reserved for your special day. 

 

 When it comes to you both, I have never gone by a rule book to address anything to you guys. That’s probably because you both have always believed in going that extra mile and expanded the horizons for me. That is because you both have consistently yet effortlessly extended your friendship to me going beyond the periphery of parenthood. For every child, their parents are the best examples in terms of contributing to them socially, economically, morally and intellectually. But there are very few who can look deep into the little ones’ eyes for a soul search and find something infinite. I am fortunate enough to have been born to two such individuals, whose life principles are navigated by one magic word – TRUST. Trust that is quintessential to every successful relationship on the face of this earth – trust that is probably the utmost ingredient to the recipe of a prosperous marriage and raising a child.  Because you trusted, you could also grant me the liberty to set myself free from all shackles of fear and dilemma, and thus helped me reach out to you both every time I needed you. Because you trusted, I could gather the courage to live life on my own terms and carve out an identity that’s solely my own and not imposed upon by conventional stereotypes of the society or the clichés that are common with a generation up in years. Most importantly, thank you for every bit of the “TRUST” held good and unswerving between you two. TRUST me, this is what keeps me going and feeds my love for life. :)

   Do you know what has planted the seeds of these thirty two years of amazing life journey? It is the love between you both. Besides the shelter above my head, the food on my plate and the love to keep me warm, there is something else that has kept my heart throbbing. It is the gift of your love, companionship and respect for each other that I treasure and take immense pride in. Your relationship has been a magnificent instance of faith, understanding, compassion, steadfastness, romance, compromise, integrity, devotion, respect, submission, commitment and friendship. When the classroom lectures seemed drab or complex, I tried picking up a couple of lessons from these gems that held your bond tight and firm. When someone said something like “Relationships are complicated” or “Marriage is a huge responsibility – a difficult one - the end of friendship” and hinted on the rising divorce rate across the world, one of these above mentioned components MUST have been missing in the bunch – I thought to myself. 

Dad, there would be times when I won’t see you for months and mum would take care of my academics staying away from you. There would be times I would go keen to know when is the next time you are going to help me do the critical analysis of a Bengali poem. But for that, you had to travel all the way to our home state and see us. Then I would go on to ask myself – “Why isn’t he staying with us?” – “Why aren’t mum and dad putting me into some other school so that they can live together?” After a lot of ‘Why’, ‘How’ and ‘When’ it was sometime around the sixth standard that I could decipher the true meaning of “sacrifice”. Growing up I inculcated a lot of values that fortifies the backbone of this family, but one thing that would blow my mind with every passing year was the growing love between you two. Your physical absence got mum more and more involved into the budgeting, maintenance and running of the household. On the other hand, I started identifying you with the qualities of a brave soldier, a provider and a giver who doesn’t budge from his duties towards his family, even at the cost of isolating himself at a faraway land day after day. What left me flabbergasted were mum’s resilience and self-command at the end of all those never failing phone calls that closed with a wait and a dozen of hopes for you to come home. We looked forward to seeing you, so did you from miles away! Mum looked after every minute detail of my report card, health care and co-curricular aptitude, and that way you would always love each other from distance. 

 

  

 The sense of security and blessedness can’t be explained that came from knowing that YOU both will always choose to honor your vows over any and every adversity of life. I truly and sincerely can’t thank you enough for the prized possession of your marriage and making it a priority. I have certainly and vastly benefited from it and am still trying to incorporate some of the major couple goals that can possibly make my conjugal life as awesome as yours. :)

What makes yours such an inspirational love story is how after all these years and a lot of peaks and valleys, your FONDNESS, COMMITMENT, COMPASSION and ADMIRATION for each other still triumphs over everything else in the world. Through the initial days as newlyweds to the sleepless nights of the most doting parents, through hospital stays to healing and rejuvenation, through family tragedies ad losses to the joys of success and celebration – 34 years of making it work, still going strong and winning the hearts of thousands who come in contact with you both – you have definitely unleashed the mystery of the nuptial stars for me and how some of them are indeed premeditated in heaven. :)

 

 Mum, you have done a great job in taking the initiative to plan and execute on your trip to us in the Unites States recently, which I believe was a much needed break for you guys. I surely feel it was a welcome change for you two to put your feet up for few days and rediscover yourselves in tranquility. I’m glad that it was possible. Uddalok and I – we both got to see you in a renewed way. You both looked fresh and enthusiastic to the core; being far from the madding crowd has enlivened your togetherness in a terrific way! Through every road trip to every photo session, through every movie outing to every dinner date – my mature vision of who you are in a mundane life has altered and nothing could put a smile on my face as a wide as this – to see two 50-somethings truly and madly in love with each other, 34 years down the line. :) :) 

 On this milestone of your marital bliss, I pray to Almighty – that He bestows me with the blessings to see you both together till eternity. May your love that is more powerful than the evil eyes, that is more vibrant than youth, which is pricier than any material asset keep blossoming and amplify in the times to come. I SALUTE your love, that is way above perfection, that can still give you both giggles to see each other decked out on your special days, that can bring back a sea of memories recalling inside jokes decades old, and just sitting side by side as content as can be over a glass of Wine. :)

 

Today, despite being able to be present only in spirits, I would want you both to make me a promise. A promise - that you would continue to safeguard and hold on to that covenant you made 34 years ago today. I wish you would ceaselessly grow in love for each other so that another 34 years down the road; we can stand in awe of an even greater love the two of you share than today.

Last but not the least; I want to thank you both for making my life beautiful in every aspect and not giving up on each other, ever. It’s an ecstasy to see your love coming alive every day. Many happy returns of the day mum and dad! Happy 34^th and many more to come. I love you to the moon and back. 

Yours truly,

Mithi