Life On A Colorful Canvas - Part One

Acknowledgement

In the enormity of life and vastness of time, it has been a delight to share a planet and an epoch with my dearest Abhirati Bhargava. I would like to take the opportunity to present my first attempt in writing a fictional story that revolves around this vivacious character and her three suitors who eventually fall prey to her mesmerizing aura. Her intricate portrait and impenetrable psyche is a representation of every imperfectly beautiful, uncompromisingly ambitious, slightly conceited girl next door born in an upper middle class urbane household. When I picked up the pen for creating her, the skeleton instinctively borrowed its' structural elements from every real life female persona I have been familiar with and tried consciously or unconsciously delving deep within. I hadn't realized in my association with these lovely souls that girls grow quicker than the various chapters in their lives. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales and by the time someone captures your life story in a journal or on celluloid, you are way too old. But some day you start all over again and reading bedtime fairy tales is the first step to your return to innocence. You can then pull it out from your upper shelf, dust off the grey particles corresponding uniformly with those subtly darker shades of your other side. Abhirati's account is every girl's experience accumulated into a personal diary that they would want their children to leaf through in future. I, in all spheres of life owe the maximum bit of it to the most important women in my life. My grandma, my mother, my aunt, my sister and all the new found relations who have lovingly encouraged me to indulge in my Medieval fantasies. I have spent many long drives sitting next to my partner in crime, the love of my life, simultaneously creating epic tales of sword-wielding heroes and their lady loves who stood by their side - artfully crafted in a Chivalric literary milieu allegorically envisioned as my all times favorite Roman De La Rose. My father has been an excellent blessing in disguise with his literary genius to have identified, maneuvered and sharpened those similar traits in me. I hope, this continues to divulge my taste for female centric plots and will hold the capacity to ceaselessly inspire many young readers in relating themselves to the nuances that my characters are pregnant with. I am immensely thankful to my husband, for motivating me and enthusiastically supporting me in trying something new and interesting. There are many more people present and absent in my life whom I wish I could thank, but time, space and modesty compel me to stop here. It is awfully difficult not to mention each and every one who influenced me and contribute to my existent state of being in their own small ways - I still hope to reflect all that has ever mattered to me through the progression of the events. My narrative is not just about WHAT YOU KNOW NOR IS IT EVEN WHO YOU KNOW. It is HOW MARVELOUSLY YOU LET THE WORLD KNOW WHO YOU KNOW.

Abhirati's Valor and Vicissitudes 

Abhirati. A princess in the modern world who believed there is a prince charming for her too. It’s just a matter of time to reach the RIGHT person. She often built castles in the air, day dreamt and fantasized of getting marooned into some desolate realms with him and enjoy a candle light dinner. Someone rightly stated that one needs to kiss several frogs before the real kiss with a prince. Abhirati’s story has been the same.

In her early teens, she could barely remember having a crush on a guy. Many a times she pondered and asked herself – Is it a hormonal hazard?? The reluctance was perhaps to an extent that her semi-tomboyish sensibilities almost failed to decipher the vibes from guys of her age, elder to  her/younger than her. The one sided inclinations ended up in smoke sooner or later. She wasn’t just ready for it. She was studious, obedient towards her parents in all respects and had just ONE motto – that is to come out with flying colors and make them proud. Pretty, glamorous, independent and trendy - who can grab all the attention once she walks the carpet in a room full of people – That’s all she wanted to be. Despite the boon of a co-ed environment, with barely any exposure to the opposite sex yet having had spent a whole lot of time socializing in her father's business parties and gatherings of people from different age groups at an early stage of life, Abhirati was confident yet shy to open up easily during a tete-a-tete. She used to have jitters all over even before she could speak aloud her likes and dislikes regarding anything to anyone. Be it worldly matters or beyond material aspects. Mum was strict and Abhirati wasn’t supposed to touch her vanity kit that comprised of all her favorite cosmetics. All that she visualized was the day she’ll have the sole authority over her stuffs and come across as attractive as mum once she has her hands on those products. She wore those palms and bellies, but she craved for mom’s Black Suede heels and to walk like her in front of the mirror and yell out loud to herself  – ‘You should hit the screen and act’. That was her only passion and the only goal that she aspired to pursue with utmost sincerity. College was a lot different for Abhirati than high school. Adjusting to the hostel life in Pune was exciting yet exacting in view of the deviation from a comparatively slower and simpler living in Kolhapur where she was born and raised within the family of four including herself - her doting parents and an eighty year Schizophrenic grandmother. She decided to put up near the campus instead of commuting from home every day. To some of those long, seemingly endless nights of studying and writing, she devoted most of her times. Abhirati made a handful of new friends. Yet she pledged to continue being herself. Under certain amount of peer pressure, she kind of debunked ‘when in Rome do as Romans do’ theory. She never tried striking a pose or playing the role of someone she could have never been. Somewhere in the deepest corners of her heart – she believed her college friendships would last amongst the most satisfying and long term ones of her life. She was thrilled to discover how wonderfully diverse college associations could be and leave a significant mark in molding her character. She held on to her new found freedom. On a light class day, it was fun staying awake till dawn and penning down her ideals and ambitions on the pages of a personal diary. Being from a small town always makes exploring another town and its’ suburbs adventurous. You tend to compare and draw a parallel line between the two and the connection leaves you juggling somewhere in the middle. Abhirati was mature and well aware of her responsibilities; those were born along with her newly liberated self. Even though her parents weren’t there to follow up on the loose ends, she ensured that she doesn’t let things go flying off the end of the pier. Abhirati reached a point where she wanted to think about her future and be on the lookout for role models. May be she even found a couple of professors inspiring. She tried sticking to the ground-breaking researches going on subjects those interested her. She was sensitive to her own gravity and it took her a minute to engage herself into a particular area of the study of History that attracted her and she burnt the midnight oils to find out all that she could about them. She took it to be her self-definition process and unfolding who she really was turned out more challenging than getting the degrees. 

After a set of typically political and complex roadblocks in one’s academic career, Abhirati got through each step smoothly which turned many in the university and town terribly green! A sought after girl majorly for her physical charm and reserved nature, she spurred an urge in her opposite sex for a dream date every time she walked up her way to the canteen during the recess. But to their dismay - Abhirati just couldn't find them being capable of either the adequate machoism or the wit to do something about it excepting some tireless bird watching at this possessor of a lissome figure, naturally Mohagony crowning glory, and those almond shaped eyes and bee stung lips that did all the talking as the reigning features in her dewy face.  

Life was going mundane while meeting Sahir was pre destined and couldn’t be considered as one of those run-of-the-mill episodes. In vain with her beauty to quite an extent and the academically as well as culturally rich family background that she came from – It was normal of her not to have paid heed to Sahir’s boyish demeanor. Born in Peshwar, one amongst his four other siblings who were raised by their war affected parents, migrated and based now in a small town in Himachal, Sahir was a late joinee at the university of Symbiosis, in Pune. They barely lived hand to mouth but the high hopes of seeing their eldest son getting into the father’s shoes of a noble professor in the coming years kept them going strong. Abhirati met Sahir only during their second semesters once Sahir’s frequent home visits reduced in number and he was told flat on face that the poor attendance could play havoc at the end of the third year of the bachelor’s degree irrespective of the excellent record that he has been maintaining all this while. Sahir was average in height, clean shaved, hazel eyed, stocky in his built and amazing in his physical strength. Multi talented as he was, his piggy bank grew from fat to fatter with his part time participation in martial art competetions since his school days. He also played Soccer at the state level. His guitar chords were his best buddies in all moods and they rhythmically fused into a progressive psychedelic rock under the espionage of a huge Pink Floyd wallpaper in his dormitory. 

Abhirati started loving life beyond books. She befriended and became close to this guy in specific. They formed an awesome duo and in no time he articulated in his not so expressive manners that they crossed the lines of being 'only friends' and there was surely more strings attached to it. Abhirati wasn’t sure of her feelings though she saved her pocket money from a couple of tuitions she gave to her juniors in addition to what she gathered from a selective few local radio jockey shows those she conducted. Abhirati didn’t hesitate to introduce Sahir to her parents when they were in town on a short vacation and they even called him over for a cup of coffee along with few other close pals of Abhirati. They liked him, Abhirati didn’t know though how – what was the definition. Soon enough she realized of something unsaid that transpired between the two. It grew manifolds when he left the town to make his way for home during the holy month of Ramadan. This was a tough phase for Abhirati and her mum who spent hours telephoning each other and Abhirati wasn’t far from being counseled and explained endlessly how disappointing it will be if Abhirati is to take Sahir into consideration for her future husband. In our Indian Hindu constitution we can not, at any point in time secularize our outlook and power of acceptance even when it comes to one of the greatest religions of the world – Islam. No wonder, Sahir wasn’t from Abhirati’s religion. He was a Muslim and that, for the first time began haunting her down asking that taxing question - if there’s anything budding inside her too that has made her lose resolution. For a fact, she hadn’t yet yielded to Sahir’s proposal, nevertheless, couldn’t resist the fact that she loved spending quality time with him. Abhirati faced the inevitable dispute between her heart and mind and that clearly gave her goose bumps imagining the consequences of entering into a wedlock going against the family traditions and values. Abhirati gave mum a prudent reply that she had no clue of anything remotely romantic going beyond friendship as she wanted to focus on building her career first. This, for sure, was a solace at home redoubling the parents’ confidence and trust in her. Meanwhile, there was a dark side of him too, that unleashed followed by Abhirati’s denial to Sahir’s asking out for her hand in a steady relationship for now, and the obvious future implications of an inter religious marriage. To Abhirati’s surprise – It took her to a swirl anticipating the bonds with her parents weakening as she could never imagine hurting them. What about Sahir? How could he expect his parents practicing staunch Islamic dominion to approve of a girl coming from a much liberated Hindu family? Abhirati could never fit into what she needed to be to hold Sahir’s hand in a lifetime companionship. And to do so, what she had to forego would have never let her live in peace – her family lineage. Didn’t Sahir know of the possible trials and tribulations they might have to face in order to take this forward? Was he ready for the worst? Refusal was what he apprehended and wanted desperately to secure Abhirati’s assurance in future promise which wasn’t suiting our female protagonist. This wasn’t going to materialize she knew. Her belief grew stronger turning evident while he tried hard out of his obsession with her to change himself – transform into a subdued and generous guy who was far from being called a ruffian by his friends. Sahir earlier was found picking up brawls every now and then with strangers for reasons unknown -  his hot headedness and unforgiving temperament couldn’t save people from getting brutally hit. It might have simply been for Abhirati getting subjected to eve teasing and a lewd remark coming from a passerby – the rest I guess the readers can well imagine as there wasn’t the term to ‘let go’ in Sahir’s dictionary. When it happened, it went beyond mercy and he couldn’t have looked forward to a blissful and romance wrenched evening with Abhirati at a café outside the campus the same day. She hated him – and gradually distanced herself from his shadow as the semesters were knocking on the doors. Sahir drank like a fish at the end of the day slipping into long slumbers while he didn't give a hoot about staying connected to academics and what it could lead to. He neglected his family's sentiments and blew up their hard earned nest egg in narcotics addiction. He, in his senses for the rest of the times blamed Abhirati that he was almost on way to a recovery and a better life, his reputation started improving within the circle of friends and teachers – she must be stone hearted to abandon him at such a juncture.  He lost his temper every now and then, created scene outside and within the college premises – continuing to impact Abhirati and her surrounding immensely. In a fiercely negative way of course - which she vehemently objected to and felt extremely choked. She wept her heart out in the lonely hours as she could hardly have the courage to disturb her parents’ mental peace. She loved them more than anything else. It wasn’t though possible for too long to escape their eyes while they video called their only daughter and the apple of their eye to check on her well being and progress in studies. Abhirati badly needed to break free from the shackles of Sahir and the city of Pune echoed moments embedded with a mixture of different emotions from the past. Likewise happened. She moved on to select distance learning for her Master's degree living in the comforts of her home and in care of her benevolent parents. 

A lapse of five years. A lot in meantime had blown the two souls apart. Sahir never reappeared in the campus after an internal massacre relating to student’s union shot him to defame and controversy.  Abhirati’s aloofness and detachment made it only worse – Sahir left his studies in the midway. There was news of him joining the Pakistani militant group after his parents and brothers disowned him for more than one reason. Through her dad’s reliable sources, Abhirati took time to come into terms with the knowledge that Sahir was actively involved in conspiring the 2007 assassination of Pakistan’s former prime minister Benazir Bhutto in Rawalpindi. Ever since then, images of Sahir drowned into Abhirati’s memory bank that remained afloat aligning with her only belief that she will definitely meet him one day. This wasn’t out of any least percentage of love or hope that was alive, but sheer curiosity – what made him take his life to a diabolically opposite direction without leaving a single trace of Why and How? Was it that he himself wanted to keep his shadow away from Abhirati or the threshold of circumstances compelled him to do so?